It’s taking me awhile to even write this post. So much has happened in such little time. I wrote out a whole list of crazy things that I have been through since the Lunar Eclipse. I should have known things were going to be turned upside down by my journal entry for that moon cycle. It just so happens I made it upside down, and not on purpose.

So what happened in India and why am I back in the US? Yes, I know I wrote a whole post about going back to India and how much I liked it the first time I went. I also wrote a blog telling you guy’s that I sold all my belongings to move to India for six months to a year. So yeah…what had happened was…

There were 3 main reasons why I decided to come home:

1. A disagreement I had with the yoga school broke my heart.

2. I was sick and I realized how alone I really was.

3. My Uncle passed on to another realm.

As I write this post a lot of feelings and emotions are coming up. I did a lot of shadow work when I was in India. I worked on things that triggered me and realized why I was being triggered. Some of the reasons were easy to see while others were a bit harder.

Like the disagreement I had with the yoga school I was helping while I was there. I could go into detail about my side of the story, but you wouldn’t get their side of the story so you’d probably side with me even though you don’t have all the facts. So I’ll spare you the details and go into what was triggering me; money and value of work.

“ALWAYS have a

written

agreement with

someone”

The one lesson I learned was that I need to ALWAYS have a written agreement with someone when it concerns money or bartering.  Too many misunderstandings can happen when it’s verbal. Coming up with something written is part of learning boundaries and expectations. My expectation is not the same as someone else’s, and when it is stated in the beginning and agreed upon between the two parties then clear boundaries are been set.

At the yoga school we didn’t have a formal written agreement that states their expectations for the work I was doing and what I was getting in exchange. So we argued about money that was “owed” and how they valued the work I did for them. I was dumb struck by how little they value work over there. Two months of work for them doesn’t even cover my living expenses and food. Mind you $334.00 is enough for three meals a day and a place to stay for two months in India. So yeah…you do the math. I honestly see why this country stays impoverished. They exploit their people and don’t value them enough to even pay them living wages for the work they do. Does this sound like somewhere else you know?

In the midst of the drama I was going through, I got very ill with E.Coli. I don’t know if you’ve ever had this or known anyone who has, but I literally thought I was dying the first day I became sick. I seriously started preparations to die inside of my head. I was saying to myself that “I have had a good life and if it was my time then it’s just my time“. Have you ever been that sick that you do this?

It took hours for a taxi to take me to the hospital because of the rain and crowds of people in town for a Shiva pilgrimage. I contacted every person I could think of to help me and sadly the only person to help was the taxi driver and the son of the guesthouse I was renting from. I officially felt alone. More alone than I ever have before.

Being sick and alone in a foreign country isn’t an experience I want to go through again.

And during this chaotic time my Uncle fell ill and was rushed into emergency surgery. He had two surgeries and the last one he never woke up from. I booked my ticket to come home to be with my family as soon as I heard that he wasn’t doing so great. I didn’t make it home in time for the funeral, but I have spent time with my family since I’ve been home.

All these factors contributed to my decision to come back home, but what does that mean? Home? I’ve been in a huge FUNK since I got back. I am literally starting over from scratch. Who AM I? Who do I want to be? Where do I want to live? What career will I chose now that I am retired from dancing? How do I integrate back into this reality?

So you can see why I have been absent and you haven’t seen a new post or you haven’t gotten your little gifts I was going to send for signing up for my newsletter. Just know I haven’t forgotten. I just gotta get out of this FUNK.